How to Draw: Babies
Drawing babies can be a challenge. Luckily, help is at hand. Here are some tips for drawing the most realistic, beautiful babies.
1. Babies are basically just incredibly small men
It's pivotal to remember that babies are basically just shrunken-down men. There is nothing cuter than a glowing homunculus making a half-hearted peace sign with his right hand. Remember this.
2. Sometimes these small men are angry
The source of their anger can vary. This baby appears to be furious that his right hand is some sort of lobster claw. So tender and mild. However, the source of his rage could be the object clutched by his tiny left hand (which could be anything from a kaleidoscope to the handle of a fancy katana). Ambiguity is good.
3. Babies dispense money, but are sly about it
An important function of babies is their ability to dispense coins on demand. However, they are incredibly sly about this, and they only do it out of spite.
4. Babies looks just like Tim Curry
If you are struggling to think of a fully-formed man that your eerie homunculus should resemble, then Tim Curry is the safest choice. They also all have the exact same 'who me?' look. If you are struggling to think of an item that your baby should be focusing on in the painting, then the answer is simple: a pear. All babies are singularly fascinated by the sight of one pear. Just one though.
5. Babies are terrifying
Their face makes up about 5% of their head. The rest is just skin, hair, and malice. They like to show affection by pressing their tiny faces onto people's cheeks like leeches; it is the source of their power. They can also crawl vertically up a grown human. They cannot be stopped.
6. They know how to face-swap
Paolo Uccello demonstrates this beautifully in his Virgin and Child, pictured above. The two-headed red arrow behind the virgin's head represents the act of face-swapping, which the holy infant has initiated. Babies have always been incredibly advanced.
7. Sometimes, babies are bread
Hopefully these tips have helped you to master the art of painting babies. Sorry.
